Today I woke up struggling. My body was in a full on battle with my will as to whether to get up and face the day or to retreat to bed and call in sick. It would have actually been a really good idea had I not taken so many days off work last week to let my ankle recover. So in the end my will took control of my body, got it out of bed, dressed and into my car to work, and here I am wondering why I didn’t just smother my will with a pillow and go back to sleep!
Ultimately I know I have to just suck it up. I did this to myself. No-one made me drink 3 glasses of wine on an empty stomach. Nooman didn’t force me to stay up till come stupid hour talking and catching up as we haven’t seen each other in ages. I did this to myself and I am not about to wrap myself in cotton wool! I’m old enough to know better… suck it up Channah and get to work!
Only problem is that I cannot concentrate. So much is happening at the moment and I am feeling like all my magic beans came at once while others around me are starving… how can a girl feast on that? My wishing bridge wishes seem to be dispersing themselves very nicely among the group, which makes me smile while at the same time kinda disappointed for them… bridge is that the best you can do? Or maybe I spread the wish too thin. Sorry girls I tried!
This weekend was the most fun I have had in Jerusalem in a long time. The girls all came together for what might be one of the last weekends in Israel’s capital, as one by one they begin the move to Israel’s metropolis… Tel Aviv. Ironic, just as I began to form an attachment with the city of gold. We drank wine on the balcony, read glossy magazines and talked about all that girls talk about while applying nail varnish. We keep giving ourselves these little pleasures as we settle into the nine to five life, it is our friendships which are the vehicles by which we release the stresses of never saving a penny, of rent prices rising, while our pay checks seem to stand still.
Shabbat afternoon I left the girls to their afternoon sleeps and learning and I lay back in his arms and let it all drift away… nothing matters, all the good will come in time, I never believed it before, but I now see that it is the things you cannot control that fulfil us the most. I refuse to be melancholy; I refuse to think too much about what is going on, in my personal life and the situation in Israel. While my ankle is still giving me grief I am gonna laugh my ass off instead of dance… I do not care if people think I should change my lifestyle because I come into work looking like I have been kicked around by a kangaroo in my sleep… I am happy with where I am and where I am heading and I guess nothing else really matters. I am just going to have to get over the fact that people read this blog and if I want to say something then I should just say it and not worry that someone might read it and freak out… all in good time I guess.